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Million Dollars to Kill Me

by Joyce Manor

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1.
I was born a lucky one I wasn’t having any fun I turned around to try to run but you were already gone. And by the time that I found you there was nothing that I could do became a fighting kangaroo but it was never your fault. Of all these broken promises that found me in the end, you’re the one that I pretend was enough. And is it true you knew I’d miss you back when we were little kids before we had the sense to give you know you weren’t very wrong.
2.
Did I introduce you to the kind of things you thought you knew? Not like buddy buddy. Its not just me things seemed much sunnier back then. Doesn’t really make a difference to me. Take a bunch of pills and crash into me. Do it again for old time sake. Look at me now theres nothing else left to break. And all I ever wanted was to say I think I’m still in love. And even if it isn’t true, I think I’m still in love with you. Beat myself into the ground. All I do is hang around. Nothing I can do or say is ever gonna make you wanna stay. And even if it isn’t right. I still gotta put up a fight. You can leave me black and blue I think I’m still in love with you.
3.
02:44
Don’t you ever feel lonely? Baby I’ve been lonely my whole life. Girls can be kinda controlling. I wanna be controlled I think it’d be alright. Everybody thinks I’m joking. If its funny then hold me while I cry all night. Maybe we should watch it slowly. We could figure it out its all a great big lie. 7:30 in the morning feeling stoned in the glow of the street light. Sound of car doors gently closing. Baby I’ve been lonely my whole life. I never noticed the way she had it out for me. I should suppose its like that for everyone. So understated we’re never friendly anyhow. Just tell me what you want me to do. If you were aimless. I’d be what you were aiming for. If you get anxious I’ll put on Law and Order for you. So overstated were never in the moment now. Until we’re washed away child.
4.
I’m not the one who invented the sun but I know who did. Check out the knife on the millionaires wife getting all unhinged. Trying to decide who’s good and who’s just rich. Took all of his money and she burned it in a ditch. Look out below cause its not the tempo its the truth in the song. Tried to give it back on a charity track but they argued all night long. About who did deserve this dirty wealth. Baby when we die were all gonna burn in hell. Dog at the door who’s the king of hardcore cause he’s always been booking the shows where they sell the most clothes cause they’re so limited. Trying to decide who’s good and who’s just poor. Baby when we die were all gonna want some more.
5.
She don’t wanna write a song. She knows exactly when and where and what went wrong. Besides its been too long. And she done mean to be a drag. She’s just indifferent to the old blue fact that you can’t go back. But she’s the only one who could take you to a pawn shop and sell you for twice what you’re worth. Nobody tells you it hurts to be loved. And one day you will realize you are nothing without her. You’re an asshole from a bar and you’re never happy.
6.
02:35
Oh these silly games, that they wanna play with you. People on the street intimidate you. Though they see ya crying they all smile. Days go by but nothing ever changes. Wasn’t ever worth it all the while. She’s still a child, and so she must be free.
7.
You and I were members of the same online community. I know that it sounds kinda lame when I say it out loud. But its true we met there, its where we spend most of our time. Talking to friends that we met online. You were always there for me when I was feeling kinda lonely. I think of things you said to me all the time. Ya its true we met there. Its a really big part of our lives. Talking to friends that we met online. Some people go to work at night and some people go to sleep. Some people live in big apartments still they’re giving you the creeps. I sit up in my bed and Im sick to my cyber soul. How you ever gonna teach me something I don’t even wanna know? How can we misremember such sad horrible times? Talking to friends that we met online.
8.
01:33
Once before a cold explorer sheet like pain of fleeting horror. So no-posh I’m not believing. Goes non stop before careening down the stairs and round the block, I stepped into a china shoppe and turned my headlamp t’wards the ceiling. Cant believe the feeling. Is there anybody out there this time? Up the punx I feel so freakish all too real to deal with sequence. Broke-a-haontas orange eating, talk like that now what who’s screaming.
9.
Everybody wants to tell a story but no ones got a thing to say. Everybody is scared of saying nothing. How else would they prove that they’re here today and gone tomorrow. Not much pain and not much sorrow. Gone tomorrow but here today. Not much skill for not much pay. My friend Tommy he does origami forever in the morning shade. His girl Trisha ooh she’s gonna hit ya with a blazing hot beam from her amazing ray gun. Gone tomorrow. Some might steal and some might borrow. Gone tomorrow but here today. Not much kill for not much prey
10.
01:48
Sunshine coming in through the open window of my bedroom. Wildflowers at the side of the road. Caught my eye and turned my heart to stone. “Hey man are you okay?” That was all that I heard somebody say. Wildflowers, I am shot with a song. Totally devastated, for so long. Wildflowers I am lost in a dream. Why are we still pretending we believe?

credits

released September 21, 2018

All songs written by Joyce Manor except Fighting Kangaroo,
Silly Games, Friends We Met Online, and Wildflowers by Joyce Manor
and Rory Allen Phillips.

Tracks 1 - 9 Produced and Engineered by Kurt Ballou
and assistant engineer Robert Cheeseman.

Vocal production by Mike Bardzik.
Additional Recording by Peter Novoa, Brett Gurewitz, and Rory Allen Philips.

Track 10 produced by Rory Allen Phillips.

All songs mixed by Andrew Scheps.

Design & Layout by Scott Arnold.

Photos by Hans White.

Mastered by Eric Boulanger.

Thank you : Rory Allen Phillips, Kurt Ballou, Mike Bardzik, Robert Cheeseman, Andrew Scheps, Brett Gurewitz, and Peter Novoa.

Extra Special Thanks: Stu and Dio.

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